Domestic Violence Spotlight: Financial Abuse

Domestic violence has received a great deal of attention in the media lately due to the recent NFL scandals. But oftentimes, people focus on physical abuse. While physical abuse is part of domestic violence, there are several other forms of abuse such as: psychological, sexual, verbal, and financial.

This particular post focuses on financial abuse, the signs, and what you can do to get help. You may be surprised to know that financial abuse happens to both men and women.

Financial abuse is often overlooked in cases of domestic violence in large part because it can be connected with culture or traditional gender roles.  For example, if the relationship is strongly tied to the man working and the woman staying home with the children, the wife often becomes dependent on the husband for financial support. When this happens, it is easy for the husband to hide assets, withhold money, or prevent the wife from looking for work or receive training.

Now, this doesn’t mean that that husband is always the abuser; wives can be financially abusive as well. For example, the husband may be unable to afford to take care of the family on his income alone and may need his wife to bring in additional money or reduce the amount of expenses in the home. The wife can refuse to work, ruin his credit score by not paying the bills with the money given, or run up large amounts of debt on the joint credit cards.

Financial abuse is a tactic used to gain power and control in a relationship and can be used by either party. Regardless of who is the abuser, both parties are able to affect the other through manipulation, threats, and deceit.

Signs of Financial Abuse:

1)  Not allowing the other party to work, which can involve the use of threats to obtain compliance.

2)  Sabotaging employment of a significant other, such as harassment at work, excessive phone calls, etc.

3)  Hiding money or assets.

4)  Forcing him or her to work for a family business without pay. Everyone should be paid at some point.

5)  Refusing to financially contribute to the family’s income.

6)  Stealing the other person’s identity. Opening up accounts without his or her knowledge.

7)  Running up debt with no intention to pay and/or knowing the finances are unable to support such spending.

How to Get Help

* Protect Yourself and Get Back on Your Feet

* National Network to End Domestic Violence

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/domestic-violence-spotlight-financial-abuse/#ixzz4USGNETdG 

Affluenza is Not a Disorder

How to deal with entitlement

As a mother, I was devastated at the verdict in the case of Ethan Couch, a Texas teen, who killed four people while driving drunk. As a clinical psychotherapist, I was appalled that Affluenza (which is NOT recognized by the American Psychiatric Association) was even humorously considered as a legitimate defense. I work with a significant number of ‘affluent’ individuals and families and this is ridiculous.

Affluenza is not a disorder. In sum, my re-framed definition of affluenza is the pressure to be socially accepted, which should have ended shortly after college. These are people who are empty/lack self-esteem and try to feel better by buying things that make them feel alive, special, wanted, or loved. Their sense of entitlement is eerily high and the feeling of empathy and remorse is practically bankrupt. In fact, anything that doesn’t go well for them is typically – wait for it – someone else’s fault.

Lack of self-esteem is hardly a disease; it’s a developmental phenomena that indicates one does not know, has not identified or believe in their own ability or self-worth. These things can be learned and are often taught by our caregivers when we are children through appropriate mirroring, conversation, encouragement, and setting limits (aka discipline).

Now, can one be so damaged that they will never develop self-esteem or the ability to empathize with others? Sure. We call those people psychopaths. With this said, if this kid is indeed suffering from ‘Affluenza’ there are a few sentences that the judge could have chosen to enact justice. Here are a few that comes to mind:

1) Place him with his peers – I believe they can be found in juvenile hall and then later transferred to prison. He will have an opportunity to connect with other like-minded individuals who also felt empty inside and lacked direction. For many of them, part of their emptiness also came from not receiving enough attention, structure, and consequence.

2) Put the parents in jail. I mean – the defense’s case was, ‘It’s the parent's fault,’ no? With all of that money, I’m sure they could have afforded therapy for themselves or their kid once there were problems, right? The unwillingness or inability to do so means they are just as liable for the deaths of the people their minor child killed.

3) “You work it out or you sit there until you do.” I believe that’s called a time out.  Let them all share the smallest cell is the darkest corner on the cell block so they can work out their problems the good old fashioned way. Why should four people die because of your normal family “I HATE YOU!” problems? What family in America doesn’t hate each other?

4) Take away their money until they learn how to handle the pressure that comes with it. It is long noted that once a stressor is removed, healing can occur. Once the healing takes place, the stressor may be reintroduced slowly so there is a healthy response to it. This is called behavior modification. This may seem a bit extreme to some people but I redirect your attention to the four dead people that are unable to speak for themselves.

Anyway, this is my take on one of THE most unreal cases, defenses, and verdicts only topped by the Zimmerman outcome this year.

I hope that we all learned how important it is to parent our children and help those parents who are struggling take responsibility for stepping up. Last but not least, I hope we begin having deeper conversations around the importance of mental health – for everyone.

What do you think about Affluenza and this case? Do share in comments below.

Jinnie

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/affluenza-disorder/#ixzz4UHvMK4Ag