High Achiever's Edge: depression

Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Weight of Depression

Actor Robin Williams touched the hearts of millions and his loss will forever be felt. His unexpected death and rumors about his depression and suspected suicide has left many wondering “why?” The hardest part of dealing with depression and suicide is that no answer will ever soften the loss.

The weight of depression is heavy and real. Depression is a slippery slope because it’s a normal and real emotion. For example, when we lose a loved one, we are sad and even depressed because it is a real loss. However, if that sadness becomes elevated or lingers too long, it can become a huge problem.

In talking with people who’ve attempted suicide – either actively or passively – they describe similar experiences. So, when people ask me to tell them what depression feels like and how it might lead one to take their own life, instead of listing symptoms I try to describe what happens:

“Depression feels quite heavy. You start to feel it inside of your chest, but then it moves into your head. When the depression starts to linger and become stronger, you tend to get stuck in your head and become lost in your thoughts. Every idea seems like a good idea. When the depression becomes very heavy, the thought of ‘going away’ (or go ‘home’) can feel soothing. It’s like having a full-blown conversation with yourself that is so clear, you can’t argue with it. You can feel like you’ve found the answer to all of your problems.”

It is in that final moment the weight feels as if it’s gone; but it’s not, you’re just stuck in your head. And, this answer seems to be the best answer in the world. When in that state, it can be difficult to remind people that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Some people have different experiences, but for the purposes of generality, I use the previous description. There are other descriptions that may be helpful like the one found by clicking here.

Please … if you experience the following: sadness, irritability, or depression most of the day, everyday for two weeks; loss of interest or pleasure in things you used to like; weight loss or gain when you’re not trying; insomnia or hypersomina; agitation; fatigue; difficulty concentrating or making decisions almost everyday; recurrent thoughts of death (not just afraid to die) or suicide … go to the nearest emergency room or call 911 because these are the symptoms of depression.

If you have these symptoms, there is help. If you know of someone who is depressed, here is how you can talk to them.

Life is tough and you don’t have to go through those tough times alone. Reach out for support to one of the many groups that are available. The national suicide hotline is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week: 800-273-TALK (8255)

You are loved. Please share this with others as you never know what hides behind a great smile.

Rest in peace, Robin Williams … pleasant journeys.

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net

Monday, January 2, 2017

5 Signs that You Are Defensive

Have you ever been defensive? Even if you don’t think you have, chances are you have been. Everyone has a set of defenses – and we should. Being defensive occurs when you experience stress and simply means that you are psychologically on guard and ready to protect yourself from mental or emotional harm. While there are many reasons why your defenses were created, their ultimate job is to protect you.

Your defenses are typically created out of necessity at various points in our life-usually childhood. Defenses kick in to tell you when it is safe and unsafe to be who you truly are – and that can be a good thing. However, when you get older and your experiences become diverse, your defenses can become outdated and cause trouble in your personal and professional life.

In order for you to function adequately as you grow, your defenses must “evolve” to reflect your current circumstances. If you don’t evolve your defenses, then you risk understanding and responding to current situations the way you did when the defenses were created and that can be 20 years ago or more – YIKES! That is a huge mistake.

Let’s use this oversimplified example: A 7-year-old sees her brother being spanked for telling mom that he accidentally broke the vase. The 7-year-old is afraid of the same thing happening to her, so she avoids telling the truth. Now, this does not mean that she begins to lie, although it could result in such behavior. As she gets older, when faced with being honest she tries and learns how to effectively change the subject, point out other issues that do not involve her, or becomes nervous when confronted. These are all types of “defenses” that can hurt instead of protect her as an adult because she is responding to similar situations as if she were still 7 years old.

So how can you tell if you are being defensive? Here are five signs that may help. Ask yourself, “Do I …”:

1) Keep threatening ideas, feelings, memories, wishes, or fears out of my awareness by doing things like displacing, disconnecting from, intellectualizing, and repressing them.

2) Distort who I am, my body, or other people so I can regulate and/or maintain my self-esteem in minor ways. This is seen when people devalue or idealize others, for example.

3) Keep unpleasant or unacceptable stress, impulses, ideas or responsibility out of my awareness by denial, projection, or rationalizing.

4) Grossly distort who I am, my body, or other people by substituting real relationships with a fantasy in order to avoid conflict or by making others feel the way I really feel.

5) Act out, withdraw or become passive-aggressive when I feel stressed.

If you answered yes to at least one of these statements, then you can be defensive. Again, being defensive is quite normal and functions in an effort to keep you safe; however, if it begins to impact your relationships and career, then you want to seek help to get you to a better space.

Evolving your defenses is actually easy. With my clients, it usually takes three to four sessions with my clients doing hypnotherapy, RoHun, Yhandi and maintaining their progress on their own using their customized guided meditations. If you are unfamiliar with guided meditations and would like to learn how to relax, you can download a free meditation here.

HEALTHY DEFENSES:

When your defenses are healthy, the following behaviors are what will present themselves more than the ones listed above: anticipation, affiliation, altruism, humor, self-assertion, self-observation, sublimation, and suppression.

With love and light …

Jinnie

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/5-signs-defensive/#ixzz4UIVZ7iBd

Affluenza is Not a Disorder

How to deal with entitlement

As a mother, I was devastated at the verdict in the case of Ethan Couch, a Texas teen, who killed four people while driving drunk. As a clinical psychotherapist, I was appalled that Affluenza (which is NOT recognized by the American Psychiatric Association) was even humorously considered as a legitimate defense. I work with a significant number of ‘affluent’ individuals and families and this is ridiculous.

Affluenza is not a disorder. In sum, my re-framed definition of affluenza is the pressure to be socially accepted, which should have ended shortly after college. These are people who are empty/lack self-esteem and try to feel better by buying things that make them feel alive, special, wanted, or loved. Their sense of entitlement is eerily high and the feeling of empathy and remorse is practically bankrupt. In fact, anything that doesn’t go well for them is typically – wait for it – someone else’s fault.

Lack of self-esteem is hardly a disease; it’s a developmental phenomena that indicates one does not know, has not identified or believe in their own ability or self-worth. These things can be learned and are often taught by our caregivers when we are children through appropriate mirroring, conversation, encouragement, and setting limits (aka discipline).

Now, can one be so damaged that they will never develop self-esteem or the ability to empathize with others? Sure. We call those people psychopaths. With this said, if this kid is indeed suffering from ‘Affluenza’ there are a few sentences that the judge could have chosen to enact justice. Here are a few that comes to mind:

1) Place him with his peers – I believe they can be found in juvenile hall and then later transferred to prison. He will have an opportunity to connect with other like-minded individuals who also felt empty inside and lacked direction. For many of them, part of their emptiness also came from not receiving enough attention, structure, and consequence.

2) Put the parents in jail. I mean – the defense’s case was, ‘It’s the parent's fault,’ no? With all of that money, I’m sure they could have afforded therapy for themselves or their kid once there were problems, right? The unwillingness or inability to do so means they are just as liable for the deaths of the people their minor child killed.

3) “You work it out or you sit there until you do.” I believe that’s called a time out. Let them all share the smallest cell is the darkest corner on the cell block so they can work out their problems the good old fashioned way. Why should four people die because of your normal family “I HATE YOU!” problems? What family in America doesn’t hate each other?

4) Take away their money until they learn how to handle the pressure that comes with it. It is long noted that once a stressor is removed, healing can occur. Once the healing takes place, the stressor may be reintroduced slowly so there is a healthy response to it. This is called behavior modification. This may seem a bit extreme to some people but I redirect your attention to the four dead people that are unable to speak for themselves.

Anyway, this is my take on one of THE most unreal cases, defenses, and verdicts only topped by the Zimmerman outcome this year.

I hope that we all learned how important it is to parent our children and help those parents who are struggling take responsibility for stepping up. Last but not least, I hope we begin having deeper conversations around the importance of mental health – for everyone.

What do you think about Affluenza and this case? Do share in comments below.

Jinnie