The Benefits of Psychotherapy

I have been writing and speaking about the benefits of psychotherapy and mental health maintenance for over 20 years and the number-one question people ask me is: “Am I crazy if I seek therapy?” Generally speaking the answer is, “No.” In fact, most successful, happy, and balanced individuals work(ed) with a therapist at some point in their life.

Believe it or not, everyone has a bag of “crap” – EVERYONE. This bag is filled with unresolved issues, traumatic experiences, disappointing moments and personality quirks that we have accumulated over our lifespan. While these issues may begin presenting themselves in adolescence, they show up very strongly in our personal and professional relationships and make us who we are – for better or worse.

When we don’t address issues as they arise, the normal challenges of everyday life can cause significant problems in our relationships and contribute to the development of certain mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, or personality disorders like borderline and narcissism. You may be relieved to know that many of the symptoms can be treated easily and without medication in a relatively short period of time if you dig deep and really work on the root of the issue in “supportive psychotherapy.”

Instead of asking, “Am I crazy if I seek therapy?” a better question may be, “What are the benefits of using psychotherapy?” Here are a few of the benefits my clients experience as a result of psychotherapy:

1) Reduced depression and irritability. The sadness and ‘meanness’ that often accompany depression are reduced or eliminated. While depression is normal, it should not linger or interfere with your ability to function.

2) Increase in like-ability. After addressing and releasing negative emotions, your personality usually becomes lighter and draws more people to you. Oftentimes in careers, people who are well-liked, get along with others, and have an approachable disposition are presented with opportunities to grow and lead.

3) Improved stress management. Coping with stress is a HUGE challenge in today’s world and many of us struggle with the most effective ways to release tension. The best way to release tension is to talk through it in a timely fashion and then let it go from your body. This is why exercise is so important: exercise is a natural anti-depressant and works wonders on your body! As some of you may know, I practice Taekwondo. Click here to see how I release my stress.

4) Better judgement. Your mind is unable to accurately and effectively process information when it is under stress and this directly impacts your ability to make sound judgement.

5) Improvement in ability to focus. Your ability to focus is improved when there are fewer internal distractions and your ability to manage your emotions is improved. Psychotherapy is GREAT with this area of development.

If you are finding it difficult to begin therapy and need some tips on how to understand the benefits of working on improving your perspective and mental health, here are some tips:

1. Accept the reality that you are not perfect.

2. Make a commitment to taking personal responsibility for your behavior: past, present and future.

3. Remind yourself that you are conditioned to thinking, feeling and behaving in ways in which you are probably unaware. As a result, it will take time for you to fully identify and understand how you experience the world and how the world experiences you.

4. As you look for a therapist, try to select someone who is empathic of your experiences and feelings and can help you through your fears, anger and defenses.

As always, I wish you pleasant journeys. With love and light …

Jinnie

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/the-benefits-of-psychotherapy/#ixzz4UIR1WAZM 

The Real Reason You Procrastinate

“Delay is the deadliest form of denial.” ~C. Northcote Parkinson

For those of you who wait until the last minute to do almost everything, you already know that procrastinating hurts you more than it helps.

Chances are you’ve read numerous articles telling you how to stop procrastinating but to no avail. I mean, you’ve probably gotten better at not putting everything off to the last minute but somewhere lurking inside of you is the desire to wait until the 11^th hour to finish a project.

There’s something about the way your adrenaline allows you to focus that is impressive … to you. It’s almost as if you validate yourself: “yes, this is easy and I have the capacity to do so much more.”

But therein lay the burn: you don’t do the “so much more” that you say you can.

WHY YOU PROCRASTINATE:

You’re afraid.

Yep, that’s it; nothing fancy or psychologically complicated to articulate. Fear is the reason you put things off until the last minute.

Whether you are afraid of being successful, starting over, failing, being alone, wrong, right, embarrassed, or even happy. You’re afraid. More specifically, you’re afraid of what’s going to happen after you complete the task – successfully or not.

Think about it, what was the last thing you put off doing until the last minute? Why … I mean the real reason why? I’ll give you a generic example – cleaning. You live alone, have no kids and your house is horribly messy. You put off cleaning and feel ashamed to bring people over.

Why would anyone do that? Well, it could be a number of things; they are busy, tired, there is not enough storage, or the like. However, if we think about it from the perspective of fear, perhaps they keep a messy home so they CAN’T invite people over for the following reasons:

* They are afraid of being judged.
* They are afraid of letting people into their lives.
* They are afraid that people won’t come over (a jack and jill party)
* They are afraid that people will enjoy themselves and expect them to do it again.

The only person, who knows why you are afraid, is you. Ask yourself, “What are you afraid of happening if you complete a task? What do you think will happen next?

GETTING PAST YOUR FEAR

Getting past your fears are easier said than done. Here is a simple process to getting past your fears:

* Choose to face them
* Acknowledge your fear
* Ask yourself, “What is your fear trying to protect you from?” For example, it may be trying to protect you from being embarrassed.
* Replace the fear with a different emotion and behavior. For example, from now on instead of being afraid, it can be cautious and encourage you to start planning smaller activities at your home.
*Try out the new thinking and behavior at least six times to get familiar with trying something new and making adjustments along the way.

I hope this was helpful. Wishing you pleasant journeys!

With love and light…

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/real-reason-procrastinate/#ixzz4Udjnc6Is 

Dressing Down My Hubby

READER QUESTION: “Dear Jinnie: My husband and I are not speaking right now.  He made a risky financial move I repeatedly warned him wouldn’t work out, but he did it anyway and now we are in the red.  When I tried to discuss it with him, he said he is tired of me dressing him down and embarrassing him to the point where he doesn’t even want to communicate with me about important matters.  What am I doing wrong?  He shouldn’t be mad that I tell him when he’s wrong or point out what could be a dumb mistake.  Isn’t that what a marriage is for? Or does he have a point?”– Signed “Truth Hurts”

Dear “Truth Hurts,”

I am sorry to hear about these issues with your spouse.  I know it must be difficult to be in a position where you two aren’t even communicating.  Without knowing the full extent of the financial issue or seeing the dynamic in person, I’ll do my best to offer some virtual couples counseling.  It sounds like you may have bruised his ego, and while you feel justified, this scenario clearly didn’t pan out the way you planned.  To speak more generally and help you, plus other women in this situation, here are four factors to consider when interacting with your husband for next time.  I also added some coping strategies for good measure:

1) Loyalty is key. Let’s be clear, standing by your man when he is unemployed and looking for a job is different than standing by Jerry Sandusky (may he continue to rot in prison). Loyalty is about being on the same page and going through the good and the bad struggles in order to build something … together.

To improve the connection and loyalty in the relationship, try the following: a) Talk about your dreams; b) Come up with a plan; c) Identify the circumstances that will cause the plan to change.

2) You must always offer support.  To put it bluntly, you may have emasculated him in your exchange. Calling him or his actions stupid (even when he does something that falls short of intelligent) isn’t nice and it takes away his confidence – just like it would you. Let him take the lead in those areas that are important to him and respect him as your partner. This is important because you want him to let you take the lead in the things that matter to you, right?

To be more supportive, try the following: a) Let him know when he’s done something well; b) Acknowledge his efforts; c) Reassure him that it will work out and you believe in him, even if that means changing course.

3)You gloated about being right. This goes out to all the ladies out here who have enjoyed that “told ya so” glow.  Most of the time you are probably right and the man will know you are right; however, you don’t have to rub it in his face and remind him of it. Your place is as his partner–not his mother or math teacher. If you want to be treated like his partner, then act like one.

Try the following: a) Listen without interruption. Placing your index finger over your lips is a good way to remind yourself to shush; b) Notice your tone of voice. Sometimes, it’s not what you say that makes listening to you difficult, it’s how you say it; c) Ask clarifying questions. The Socratic method is awesome and practically fail proof! Yes, this is practiced faithfully at my beloved alma mater. 

4) Let him fail. Men need to try and learn for themselves what worked and what didn’t work. Men are proud and it is important that women don’t take that from them. Now, there is a difference between a healthy sense of pride and narcissism.  Healthy pride moves you to try and believe in yourself; however, it also has a fail safe switch that says, “you’re in over your head, get humble and get help!” Narcissism is unhealthy because it says you are right and everyone else should be willing to suffer to make your, often unrealistic, dream a reality.  Narcissism has no place in a relationship – period.  Know the difference between the two.

For even more education, I  recommend a video that Redd Velvet created that offers advice on how to be good to your man. I like her words of wisdom. Watch it below or click here.

I hope you found this helpful and as always wish you pleasant journeys! With love and light …

Jinnie

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/couples-counseling-dressing-down-hubby/#ixzz4UHrkIh6C

The Value of Living on Purpose

We were standing in line at Victoria’s Secret and I was reading some updates on my Facebook page when I turned to my husband and said, “When it’s time for me to go, don’t try to save me. Let me die.”

He looked puzzled, as if I had been keeping some secret from him. “I mean it could be tomorrow, in five years or in fifty. I’m just saying let me go home; I’m ready for that. No hospitals, painful treatments or machines.”

I don’t know where that came from; it was out of the blue, but it was definitely my soul talking and I meant it – I still do. I thought about that statement all night and the following morning and then it clicked.

For a good chunk of my life, I had been living for the approval of my parents, my husband(s), in-laws, children, patients, clients, and colleagues. I had lost myself in the conflict of Shakespeare’s timeless, “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

Ten years ago, I decided “to be” in my own truth and “not to” live for others. I began with divorcing my first husband and faced some of the most wretched demons that took residence within me. The truth is that I should have never married him, but after journeying into the 9^th circle of hell, I have made peace with our marriage … and him.

The rest of my journey has been relatively easy. I mean, it is still difficult, but nothing surprises me. It is just as painful, but not frightening. I still have to walk it alone, but I am never lonely.

The last ten years of my life was spent making peace with my choices and myself. Every time I make a choice, I’m reaffirming my commitment to my happiness and living in my truth, without the need to save others from it. By accepting my truth, I defy cultural logic and etiquette, which helps me keep a lovingly tight circle. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Everyone isn’t for everybody, so stop trying to please people.
2. Family is often unrelated to you, so see people for who they are and respond accordingly.
3. Few want to see you happy, so seek your own opinion first.
4. Most people break their promises, so keep the ones you make to yourself.
5. Don’t take things personally, because a lot of people dislike themselves. So the chances of them genuinely liking you is small.

By accepting these truths, I have allowed myself to have the following: 1) Love, 2) Trust, 3) Contentment, 4) Comfort, and 5) Freedom.

While I have yet to become a Buddha, I am definitely at peace with others and myself. Allowing others to be who they are without judgment is a direct result of being able to do the same with myself. My ability to understand, have compassion, and forgive is pretty high, which allows the process of letting go to be smoother.

So, going back to Victoria’s Secret. My husband still looked confused so I said, “In other words, I want to live the rest of my life on purpose, so I’m ready whenever it’s time for me to go” and, like a man he nodded and told me we were next in the line.

With love and light … I wish you all pleasant and purposeful journeys!

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious indviduals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna go to www.HighAchiever.net 

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/living-on-purpose/#ixzz4Sw7XkmTL