Anger has gotten a bad rap given what we have seen in the media. Unfortunately, reality shows and the general news can make one associate anger with violence. The most recent high-profile TMZ moment was with Jay Z and his sister-in-law, Solange.
Although it is unclear why Solange reportedly attacked Jay Z (or, for that matter, why Beyonce just stood there), what is clear is Solange was the physical aggressor and Jay Z was trying to avoid a physical altercation with her.
If the tables were turned, there is no doubt that Jay Z would be arrested and charged with assault. The fact that Solange is a woman does not diminish the seriousness of her behavior.
There’s no denying that Solange was emotionally triggered by something. What is unfortunate is that she was unable to control her emotions and address the situation with more self-control.
Anger is Good
Anger is a basic human emotion just like love, grief, confusion, and happiness. Feeling angry is normal, healthy, and can serve as a signal to you that something is wrong. How one chooses to express their anger is a different story.
From the time we are born, we learn how to express our feelings in either healthy and unhealthy ways – including anger. We use our emotions to communicate not only what we feel, but to gain some benefit such as attention, sympathy, or approval.
GOOD NEWS – if you can learn how to express your emotions, you can also learn how to manage them!
When you learn how to manage your anger, you can actually use anger to help you set healthy boundaries with people.
You can express your dislike, disappointment, or frustration in ways that people can understand and respect.
Here is the basic four-step process to manage your anger:
1) Acknowledge: Accept feeling angry. The more you deny it, the stronger it will become.
2) Understand: Think about what caused you to feel angry. Remember, anger is a normal emotion and feeling angry is not bad. You can take this step to the next level by beginning to identify your “triggers.” What makes you angry? When you are aware of the things that stir you up, you have more control over your anger.
3) Express: Share how you feel in a calm way. If you are enraged, you want to take a time-out and get yourself together (e.g. go for a walk). When you do express your anger, do not attack the person’s character. Instead, use “I” statements. For example: “I felt belittled when you called me incompetent.”
4) Let Go: This is usually the hardest step. I wrote another blog on how to let go of hurt and anger that you can read here. The focus is to move beyond the anger and grow from it.
DO NOT:
* Deny your anger. Remember, acknowledge your anger – it’s a healthy emotion.
* Bottle up/hold in your anger. If you acknowledge your anger, but don’t express it, then you risk having an outburst of anger or rage when you least expect it. Take a lesson from Solange, it is NOT ok to hold in your anger and then react physically when you think no one is watching.
* Take out your anger on other people or things. If you’re angry at your husband for how often he goes out, tell him. Don’t damage his clothing or hide his keys.
* Become passive/aggressive. Indirectly expressing your anger through being hostile, sarcastic, or stubborn will only escalate negativity.
I hope you found this process to be helpful. While each person will manage anger in their own way, it is important to seek the help of a professional if you feel your anger is escalating, has/is becoming a problem, or is posing a threat to you or others.
There are a number of effective treatments that you can use such as meditation or heart-centered hypnotherapy to release your anger and get to the root of your problem. Look into different methods and see which ones resonate with you.
As always, please share this article as you never know who may benefit from the information.
With love and light … I wish you pleasant journeys!
Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor,
author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna
works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to
help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their
success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net
Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/succesfully-manage-anger/#ixzz4UN5xq36Y
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