High Achiever's Edge: December 2016

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

The Meaning of Your Dreams

I love dreams! So when my family and friends share their dreams with me, I find myself having to control my excitement. My children’s dreams are the BEST and often, are better than television shows with elements of drama, excitement, comedy, suspense, and fear.

After sharing his or her dream, the inevitable question comes up: “What does it mean?”

People have been curious about their dreams from as far back as the Bible. Many believe that dreams are powerful and

have the ability to forewarn us about the future, help us sort through dilemmas, heal broken hearts, and increase self-awareness. For these, and other reasons, people actively seek out the meanings of their dreams and use the help of their friends, books, and psychotherapy to get to their interpretations.

But how do you know if your interpretation is accurate? The following is the basic Jungian process to interpreting your dreams.

1) Write down your dream right away. As a general practice it is good to keep a journal or pen and paper next to your bedside so you can write down your dream as soon as you wake up. A lot of people will say they don’t remember their dream and that’s okay. Just write down what comes to mind. For example, if you feel scared or confused when you woke up or in the dream, write that down. Start somewhere and see where it takes you. What often happens is that over time, you begin to remember more of your dreams.

2) Focus on one symbol at a time. Pick the symbol or scene that stands out the most and begin there. Afterwards, move to the next symbol and so on.

3) Make associations. This is important and has to be relevant to the dreamer! Books and the interpretations of others can be misleading because the associations have to come from within the dreamer. Also, avoid making associations based on the association before it. Make associations based on the symbol itself and write down whatever comes to mind. For example, let’s take the symbol of a teddy bear. One might make the following associations: soothing, safe, cuddle, toddler, protection from the dark, loneliness, or childhood toy.

4) Connect it to your inner life. Most dreams describe what is going on inside of you, the dreamer. Our dreams either show us how we are integrating our subconscious into our conscious mind or resisting our own inner world. So, ask yourself, “What part of your inner life does this symbol remind me of?” If one stayed with the teddy bear example, he or she may realize that he feels lonely and unsafe. Of course, there are many other possibilities based on what resonates with you.

5) Identify the theme of the dream. If you haven’t done the personal associations, making an interpretation is simply guesswork. When you begin to tie the associations in your mind, you will begin to gain clarity on the meaning. Staying with the example of the teddy bear, one may realize that whenever he or she is alone, they feel insecure and unsafe due to not knowing how to find pleasure in the things typically done with other people.

6) Do something physical. This is the last part of dream analysis. Do something with the interpretation. Once we have an accurate interpretation of our dream, we have to do something with it. This helps to integrate our subconscious and conscious minds so we can become more whole. For example, we may decide to go to the gym alone for an hour once a week. This small act is powerful because it affirms the message of the dream and brings the meaning home. It’s important to understand that you do not have to do anything major like change your life. Just one small act is enough to affirm the dream.

There you have it, how to easily interpret your own dreams! If you are interested in learning more about this fascinating topic, Robert Johnson’s book, Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth” is an excellent read.

With love and light, I wish you pleasant journeys!

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna go to www.HighAchiever.net

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/meaning-dreams/#ixzz4SwRerFkq

Friday, December 23, 2016

Healing Your Pain

It started with our parents but it ended with us ...

When we become adults, we look back on our lives and begin to realize that certain experiences shaped our perception and personalities more than others.

Our parents aren’t perfect and they did the best they could with what they had. Despite knowing that, we carry the pain of their imperfections long into adulthood. Some people even die carrying the pain they experienced from their parents: abuse, disappointment, unworthiness, helplessness, anger, fear, or judgment.

While our parents may have contributed to some, most or all of our challenges as adults, there comes a point where we have to choose to take responsibility for healing our own pain. When we choose to heal our pain, we are choosing to take responsibility for our happiness, joy, and life; and the world opens up to us.

Some people wonder if fixing our pain is the same as healing and the answer is, not really. Fixing focuses on what is wrong with you or your life and tries to get rid of and replace it with something else. On the other hand, healing takes “fixing” to another level. Healing takes what no longer works for you and evolves into something more aligned with who you are and aspire to be.

Nothing is ever wasted; nothing is ever thrown away.

In other words, we look for the lessons in your experience – the gold – and we use that to build something wonderful and intentional in our life. Everything we experience is valuable and teaches us the lessons we need to learn. This is how we determine what we do and don’t want so we can create a life that suits us.

When we heal our pain, we know out loud those things we hide from and keep secret inside of us. We can now know these things without the shame or guilt. Healing helps us to learn how to forgive and have compassion for ourselves so we can in turn forgive and have compassion for others. When we heal, we can find peace and leave the hell that has trapped us for much of our life.

In fact, many of us live in hells that we have created for ourselves and then get angry when we don’t see heaven. For example, how many people do you know (it could even be you) stay in unhealthy relationships just to make sure their partner feels the same pain they feel (e.g. “Since I’m not happy, you won’t be happy.”)? That’s hell and that’s a choice.

In all fairness, we’re often unable to see the hells we’ve created for ourselves whereas others can see it clearly. The easiest way to determine if we have created our own hell is to take an inventory of who is to blame for our current condition. If we notice that it is someone else’s fault that our life is the way it is, there’s a good chance that we have created our own hell.

However, there’s a bright side! If you have created your hell, you can also free yourself from it. The best and fastest way to do this is taking a safe, but honest look at how you create certain situations in your life. Yhandi’s Inner Light is a wonderful therapy designed specifically for this. If you want to go deeper, then Rohun therapy is excellent. If you want to just take a peek and see what’s there then Heart Centered Hypnotherapy would be a great option.

You deserve to be happy and live your fullest life. By healing and releasing what no longer serves your highest good, taking back your power, and deciding to no longer blame others for your circumstances, you can become that amazing and divine person you know you are.

I hope this was helpful. With love and light, I wish you pleasant journeys.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Breaking Up During the Holidays

There's no right way to do it, but here are some tips ...

There are a lot of reasons couples break up and there really isn’t a “good time” to do it. Some times are just less painful than others. I’ve counseled dozens of heartbroken souls who suffered one of the most painful breakups ever – over the Christmas or New Year’s Holiday.

While there is no right way to break up, you can definitely do your best to soften the blow. The best way to break up with someone is to come from a place of compassion and sincerity. Understand that this will probably be a difficult time for them because they may be surprised with your choice to move on. In addition to spending the holidays as a single person, they may struggle to explain the breakup to their family – who may or may not have liked you.

TIPS ON HOW TO BREAKUP DURING THE HOLIDAYS:

1) Be compassionate. In other words, get your head right. Imagine how they might feel and anticipate their hurt, anger or disappointment.

2) Do it face to face. I’m convinced that a break up via text is gonna make it worse.

3) Tell them the truth. Your soon-to-be ex deserves to know the real reason you want to break up. You don’t have to do the “It’s not you, it’s me” spiel unless it really is you. Respect them enough to let them why it’s not working for you.

4) Stand by your decision. That means you’re going to need to put some thought into it. Do you really want to break up or are you just having a moment? Don’t lead them on or change your mind after you break up. That makes it confusing and drags out the inevitable fact that you’re no longer together.

5) Give them time to heal. Grant them time and space to process what happened. If you are really concerned about them, then ask a family member or a friend to check in on them.

GENERIC EXAMPLE:

Hi Samantha, I care about you deeply and we’ve had these talks about trying to make it work for a while now. This is a horrible time for us to part ways and the truth is, it will never be a good time. I think we’ve tried as hard as we could and I just don’t think it’s working. I’m not even sure what happened, I just know that I respect you and myself enough to move on. It’ll probably be best if we didn’t talk for a while so we can heal, but please know that I care about you and want you to enjoy the holidays with people who can support you.

Now, there are a number of ways breakups can go and you are the best one to determine if it needs to be face to face or something else. Of course, if there is violence in the relationship, face to face is probably a no-no. But whenever possible, sit down and talk about it, stand by your decision, and take time to heal.

Breakups during the holidays are tough, but they happen. Coming from a place of compassion and sincerity can help soften the blow.

I hope this was helpful. Do you have any holiday breakup stories or tips you want to share? Please do so below! With love and light … I wish you a happy holiday season.

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious indviduals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna go to www.HighAchiever.net

Thursday, December 15, 2016

How to Survive the Holidays

Three Ways to Stop the Drama

The holidays are fast approaching and, for some dread is in the air. If you’re looking to do something different this year, here are some tips that can help you create a memorable holiday season.

Set Your Intention. Do you know someone who anticipates the worst when his or her family comes together? If so, they are setting the intention to have drama – even if they are not directly involved in it. This year, set the intention of enjoying yourself and those around you by accepting who they are without judgment. Whenever we judge or anticipate the worst, we give energy to the thing that brings us unhappiness. On the other hand, when we expect the best and look forward to the unique personalities of our friends and families, we have a better time and enjoy their company more.

Ditch the Drama. On the other hand, if you know that there will be drama at Christmas this year, you can do a few things: 1) consider not going, 2) stay for a short amount of time, 3) don’t participate in the drama, or 4) leave as soon as the drama begins to erupt. While this may not seem feasible for everyone, if you have the ability to remove yourself from negativity then it can be an option.

Do Something Different. It’s fun and healthy to mix things up a bit from time to time around the holidays. While there are traditions that some families follow, taking a break from the traditional holiday celebration can give rise to new memories and traditions. This can also help break up any negativity or resentments that are rooted in unhealthy traditions by bringing in new energy and perhaps a new beginning. An easy way to do this is to have celebrations at another location or with a smaller group of family members.

Do you have any tips that people can use to create holiday magic? Please share them with us below!