High Achiever's Edge: self-help

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Professional Self-Help for Under $50

I’ve worked with talented professionals and executives for over 20 years and realized they are able to do a lot of the “expensive” work on their own. Don’t get me wrong, they have needed support with the emotional “heavy lifting” around their challenges, but after they worked through the hard stuff and figured out how to take care of themselves, they were on their way to living a full life!

If you’re looking to maintain your progress or are looking to start your journey, check out these six self-help resources I share with my clients to help them stay the course. As always, reach out to an expert if you need additional support on your journey!

1) Webinars: Cost ranges from FREE – $500. Webinars are a great way to learn about specific topics and reflect in the comfort of your own home or office. Simply Google the type of webinar you are interested in attending and see what comes up. There are also tons of free webinars on YouTube similar to the “New Year, New You” I did that focused on how to set and keep your goals.

2) Online Courses: Cost ranges from FREE – $2,500. Online courses allow you to take learning to another level. With an online course, you are able to explore the topic in greater detail without feeling rushed. Many online courses allow you to go at your own pace, which can be less overwhelming for some. The best place to look is on iTunes as they have tons of courses listed for free!

3) Books and Articles: Cost ranges from FREE – $45. Books are always great for learning and review. What is even better is nowadays, you can access several dozen books from one device like Kindle or iTunes or Audible.com. Simply Google the type of book you would like to read based on your interest (e.g. depression, social skills) and viola, a ton of options pop up! Many are free, but you also have some great ones that are worth the investment of $20-$30.

4) Small Workshops/Events: Cost ranges from FREE – $200. Workshops and events are great if you want to learn and socialize with like-minded individuals. You’ll often find experts on various topics presenting in your local area, which can be a score for you! An example is Leading Ladies International in Chicago that hosts an annual event with several experts and speakers who connect directly with attendees throughout the event.

5) Support Groups: Cost ranges from FREE – $100. Support groups can be open to new members or closed with a focused on engaging the same members over a period of time. Alcoholic’s Anonymous (AA) is well known for those who are recovering from alcohol use and is FREE. There are also groups for divorced women, single men, anger management, etc. Again, a simple Google search will bring up a variety of resources.

6) Meditation: Cost ranges from FREE – $20. Meditation is a powerful tool for personal introspection. While you can learn to meditate for free by going online and reading articles, free e-books, or downloading a FREE guided meditation, some people do pay to learn how to mediate. They join classes or take trips to various sites around the world. Whatever works for you is what you should try. Your tastes and needs will evolve as you do!

Do you have a friend or colleague who needs or is looking for some additional support? Then send him or her this article or better yet – share it with your Facebook and LinkedIn network! You never know who can benefit from the information.

With love and light …

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net

Monday, January 2, 2017

How Flaky Are You?

Being a flaky person is worse than being incompetent. Why? Well, it tells people that you are unpredictable and unreliable, which can make you unappealing as a mate and/or colleague.

So, how flaky are you? If you are unsure, continue reading and then decide.

I should begin by clarifying that there’s a difference between being incompetent and flaky. Incompetent is just that – you’re unskilled and ineffective. There isn’t a lot there to mistake or overestimate. On the other hand, being flaky is the epitome of inconsistency, underperformance and self-centeredness.

While most people can be flaky from time to time, if there is a habit of flakiness then chances are, you have a problem. Answer the following questions to see how flaky you are.

1) Do you change your mind often? Second thoughts aside, how often do you go back and forth between yes and no? If you are wishy-washy and change your mind often, people are less likely to take you seriously. They are also less likely to care what you think. This can make it very awkward for you to establish credibility or even develop personal and professional networks.

Instead, try to avoid committing to anything right away, give yourself 24 hours, if possible, before you make a decision. This will allow you to check your calendar and/or decide if this is something you really want to do.

2) Do you clown around too much? Humor is a great tool to break the ice or even lighten up a tense moment. Too much humor can have a harmful effect and make it difficult to have quality time and discussion.

Instead, try breaking the ice and then flowing into the issue at hand or a lighter, more comfortable topic. This will allow you to make people comfortable around you and see that you have boundaries and know when to draw the line.

3) Are you too serious? While erring on the side of too much humor can be harmful, so can being too serious. A lack of balance can lead to people avoiding you and you feeling left out. A normal response to feeling left out is to try and be less serious. But because chances are you will be forcing it, you are more likely to change your mind at the last minute or midstream. Doing this makes you look fickle.

Instead, try to end a serious discussion with perspective. In other words, look at the bright side of the situation and identify the benefits for the other person/group.

4) Are you opportunistic? Do you engage others when you want/need something and then go AWOL when you don’t? This is a common transgression that many aspiring professionals make. While you may think that this makes you look like a go-getter, it actually makes you look like a user. For most people, users are considered to be the ultimate flake and are avoided when possible.

Instead, make sure you offer to help or be available when it does not benefit you. This does not mean that you are a servant to everyone. You just want to make sure that you at least give back as much as you take.

5) Do you take responsibility? No one wants to get the pointed finger; but if you did it, own it! Nothing says BIG FLAKE more than being unable or unwilling to take responsibility for your actions.

Instead, use these moments to grow and become a better person because of it. People will like you more and respect your courage and genuineness.

6) Do you keep your promises? “I’ll call you tomorrow. I will get this to you next week. I know this is last minute, but let’s reschedule.” Sound familiar? The worst thing you can do is fall through on your own commitments or break your word. When you do not keep your word, you have effectively wasted someone’s time and resources. And trust me, those transgressions are not soon forgotten. Your reputation is more important than their credit score. Failure to keep your word makes you flakier than a head of dandruff – YUCK!

Instead, take a lesson from #1 and think about the things to which you commit and make sure you can honor them. It is better to be early than late and while you may want to turn in an assignment by Wednesday, give yourself until Friday in case something comes up. If you get it in Wednesday, people will think you’re efficient. If you get it in by Friday, they will think you’re reliable and keep your word. In any event, you look good.

So, how did you do?!

If you have at least one “yes,” then you fall into the life is busy category and are as flaky as the rest of us. You should work on getting better while you’re at an advantage, because it goes downhill from here. If you answered ‘yes’ to at least two questions, then look out – there is a habit forming! If you said “yes” to three or more questions, then it’s time to do some personal development. Look for a seasoned coach or therapist (seriously) and begin to work on becoming a less flakier you!

As always, I wish you pleasant journeys. With love and light …

Jinnie