High Achiever's Edge

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Weight of Depression

Actor Robin Williams touched the hearts of millions and his loss will forever be felt. His unexpected death and rumors about his depression and suspected suicide has left many wondering “why?” The hardest part of dealing with depression and suicide is that no answer will ever soften the loss.

The weight of depression is heavy and real. Depression is a slippery slope because it’s a normal and real emotion. For example, when we lose a loved one, we are sad and even depressed because it is a real loss. However, if that sadness becomes elevated or lingers too long, it can become a huge problem.

In talking with people who’ve attempted suicide – either actively or passively – they describe similar experiences. So, when people ask me to tell them what depression feels like and how it might lead one to take their own life, instead of listing symptoms I try to describe what happens:

“Depression feels quite heavy. You start to feel it inside of your chest, but then it moves into your head. When the depression starts to linger and become stronger, you tend to get stuck in your head and become lost in your thoughts. Every idea seems like a good idea. When the depression becomes very heavy, the thought of ‘going away’ (or go ‘home’) can feel soothing. It’s like having a full-blown conversation with yourself that is so clear, you can’t argue with it. You can feel like you’ve found the answer to all of your problems.”

It is in that final moment the weight feels as if it’s gone; but it’s not, you’re just stuck in your head. And, this answer seems to be the best answer in the world. When in that state, it can be difficult to remind people that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Some people have different experiences, but for the purposes of generality, I use the previous description. There are other descriptions that may be helpful like the one found by clicking here.

Please … if you experience the following: sadness, irritability, or depression most of the day, everyday for two weeks; loss of interest or pleasure in things you used to like; weight loss or gain when you’re not trying; insomnia or hypersomina; agitation; fatigue; difficulty concentrating or making decisions almost everyday; recurrent thoughts of death (not just afraid to die) or suicide … go to the nearest emergency room or call 911 because these are the symptoms of depression.

If you have these symptoms, there is help. If you know of someone who is depressed, here is how you can talk to them.

Life is tough and you don’t have to go through those tough times alone. Reach out for support to one of the many groups that are available. The national suicide hotline is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week: 800-273-TALK (8255)

You are loved. Please share this with others as you never know what hides behind a great smile.

Rest in peace, Robin Williams … pleasant journeys.

Dr. Jinnie Cristerna is a psychotherapist, RoHun Doctor, author, and national mental health expert located in Chicago, IL. Dr. Cristerna works with talented and ambitious individuals, families, and corporations to help them break through and heal psychological roadblocks limiting their success. To learn more about Dr. Cristerna, go to www.HighAchiever.net

How Therapy Works

People have mixed feelings about psychotherapy. Some people swear by it and keep their clinician’s number on speed dial; others would never step foot in a therapist’s office again.

Again? This blog is specifically written for those who felt therapy was ineffective. While there are a number of reasons you may not have gotten the results you wanted, below are the four main reasons I’ve seen in my nearly 25 years of practice. Review them and see if any hold true for you in hindsight:

1) Fear. You may have been afraid of what you would find out or of losing control over your situation, reality or yourself — and this is normal. When people are overtaken by fear, it can be difficult for them to see the truth of their circumstances and the role they’re playing in maintaining their situation. Seeing the truth often requires holding people responsible for their choices and behaviors. It also requires accepting people for who they are with their strengths and imperfections, including one’s self.

In essence, you may have been afraid of not only being disappointed, but also feeling the disappointment. While emotions like disappointment, anger, pity, shame, worthlessness, and jealousy are very heavy and draining, they are also normal and necessary. Exploring these feelings helps you understand who you are and grow as a person.

2) Borrowed Benefit. You may actually experience some advantage as a result of your issues or troubles. For example, if you had a troublesome childhood, you may have learned that people are more compassionate and grant you more leeway in certain areas once they become aware of your past. While this could benefit you in a number of ways personally and professionally, it could also be a disadvantage if you are looking to become more independent as some people may not believe you’re strong enough to be on your own.

Having a borrowed benefit is a blessing and a curse. It gives you some support but that support can suffocate and pigeonholed you into a box from which it can be hard to emerge. What can happen is when someone wants to get out of that box, that person becomes aware of how much work will be required to change. Even though that person is unhappy, the benefits of the issue outweigh the pain and work of changing.

3) Lack of chemistry. Every therapist isn’t for everyone; myself included. Sometimes, the therapist and the client don’t connect with one another, which can cause the patient to feel that the therapist (and the treatment) is ineffective. If you’re looking for a therapist, I created a checklist on how to pick a therapist that you can download for free.

4) Timing and readiness. These two often go hand-in-hand. Sometimes, people aren’t ready even though they know they need the service. Unfortunately, not having a good therapeutic experience can make people shy away from therapy; however, I urge you to try it again with a different therapist.

If you’re curious about how therapy works, the process is quite simple, but often very difficult to do. The cliché “easier said than done” would be applicable for many people.

1) Be committed to the work. It’s going to be hard, but if you are committed to ridding yourself of what is holding you back or causing you pain, you’ll be just fine.

2) Show up. Keep your appointments and be fully present in all of the emotions during the session. The more you allow yourself to feel during the session, the more release your experience. With every emotional release come clarity, truth, and freedom from whatever holds you back.

3) Trust the process. Therapy usually doesn’t happen in the office — it happens the moment you leave. You may not feel anything is happening at every session, but trust me, a lot is going on in your head and heart. Some of the most significant changes happen so subtly that you are unaware of them until one day when you look up and realize that certain situations or people no longer surround you.

4) Be willing to look within. You know the answer, you always have. The job of the therapist is to help you find them inside yourself with more efficiency than if you were to do this on your own. For many people, the therapist acts as a guide accompanying them on a deeply personal journey.

As I stated earlier, these are my observations on why therapy may not have been successful for some people. If you haven’t had the success you were looking for, try again. You are worth the effort.

With love and light, I wish you pleasant and therapeutic journeys.

Three Ways to Spend Quality Time With Your Kids

Parenting is tough business. Managing the lives of you and your child(ren) can be more than a notion. If you’re a working parent, life becomes quite interesting and you develop a lot of “character.”

One of the biggest challenges faced by both single parents and couples is how to spend quality time with their children. While there are lots of things you can do, I’ve listed three of the easiest and most effective ways you can connect with your child especially when there’s not enough time in the day.

1) Ask them how their day went. This simple question is powerful because it helps you maintain continuity of contact with your child(ren) every day. The question can spark a conversation that can be held when you are bathing them, cooking, or relaxing, which can deepen your relationship to them. If nothing remarkable happened that day or week, it’s OK. Enjoy the calm!

2) Spend an hour every other week with each child. Kids like to spend one-on-one time with their parents because it makes them feel special and builds up their self-esteem. It may seem like a lot of time, but it can be done. The easiest way is ask your child to come up with three things that you two can do together in one hour. You can even give them parameters on costs, location, etc. Kids love to research things and they come up with GREAT ideas, which saves you hours of time and mental energy!

3) Go out at least once a month as a family. Family time is really the best time to bond and stay abreast of each other’s lives. Planning an outing is pretty easy as you have the kids come up with some ideas of what they’d like to do. An easy and cost-effective family tradition for boys and girls is having family time around meal preparation. Kids enjoy sitting around the table helping prepare food and learning how to cook. Learning how to bake or make family recipes are usually a hit!

Remember, when it comes to your child, it’s the quality of time they get with you that matters, not quantity. While ideally, having dinner together every day is recommended, the reality for many working parents is they cannot be home for dinner. You can always tweak them and add new ones depending on what works for you, your family, and lifestyle.

Do you have any ideas or tips for parents who can’t keep up but want to spend more quality time with their kids? Please share them in our comments section so we can all grow and support one another.

I hope this was helpful. I wish you and your children pleasant journeys!

5 Surefire Ways to Reduce Networking Anxiety

If you’re new at networking, you either love it or hate it. Some people are natural networkers who look forward to the opportunity to meet new people and talk about all kinds of stuff. On the other hand, some people are reserved and shy, which can make it difficult for them to open up and connect.

For those of you who shy away from networking, it may be hard to believe that networking can be a lot of fun, especially if the thought of networking gives you more than just butterflies.

For those of you who are looking for a way to deal with anxiety around networking, try the following:

1) Know Where You’re Going. Take time to get some basic information about the event and who is attending. This will help you better prepare to meet the people in attendance and identify some talking points. For example, if you’re an attorney and plan to go to a women’s entrepreneurism event, you may want to understand the legal needs of entrepreneurs. Once you understand their legal needs, you can begin thinking about how to best position yourself as a valuable resource.

2) Practice Your Pitch. Craft your 30-second elevator pitch about who you are and how you help people or companies solve specific problems.

3) Learn to Relax. Everyone who knows me knows I am a big relaxation advocate. You perform your best when your mind is calm and your body is relaxed. It also helps those around you relax and feel calm as well, which is an important part of networking. Some great ways to relax are meditation, positive self-talk, visualization, and breathing.

4) Know Your Triggers. Take note of when you get anxious and what happened right before you become nervous. This is probably your trigger. When you are aware of your triggers, you can better prepare yourself and use one of your relaxation techniques to help calm you down.

5) Believe in Yourself/Product. How confident are you in … YOU? A big part of networking is believing in your ability and/or the product that you are selling. When you walk into a networking event keep in mind that everyone there is a person, too, and gets nervous from time to time. If you remember that you bring something valuable to the table, your anxiety can shrink in a short amount of time.

I hope this was helpful! If you find yourself getting stuck with networking anxiety, a coach or therapist can be helpful. Some people get past their anxiety around networking in just one session.

With love and light, I wish you pleasant networking journeys.

Read more on JetMag.com: http://www.jetmag.com/life/moment-of-clarity-life/5-surefire-ways-reduce-networking-anxiety/#ixzz4UNI2pXVT